Entirely without my expectation I begin writing before the crack of dawn to close a large digital chapter of my life. How blandly poetic.
Later this day after 5 pm I will be formally entered into the California Province of the Society of Jesus. For those who don't know, it's a part of a big religious order of the Catholic Church. My decision to enter wasn't hasty by any stretch of the imagination--it's been brewing within me since 2006.
This whole time I could've thought about what to say here to illumine readers about what I believe is my vocation from God. But instead I lounged about, up to no good these past few hours and in dire need of sleep before finishing a TON of packing and driving off to the novitiate which, thankfully, isn't far away.
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
When I begin my journey into religious life, I will take every single one of you with me. Every word exchanged, every feeling expressed, every delicious experience great and small has been woven into my being and made me who I am, by God's grace. I pray you keep me too, wherever you go.
I can read the earliest entries in the livejournal and wonder at how far I've come in 9 years or so. All my life up to this point leads me and pushes me to the gates, because the hand of divine Will has been pulling me along all this time.
God has spoken to my heart through you and many others and many experiences, and he's invited me to this life. After wonderful and blessed years, how can I graciously refuse? I won't pretend to be too pious--I have gaping flaws and holes in my heart, but the Jesuit life looks like the best place to address these in light of Christ.
I wanted more out of this entry, but the sun will come up soon and I can't think straight. There's still so much work to do. I'll try to get a new blog started when I'm "in." It'll be at ninjesuit.blogspot.com , but I'll try to find a way to get things x-posted to lj to prevent too much hassle for the few readers here.
What shall I render to the Lord for all his bounty to me? I will life up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord, I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.
God bless and keep you, let his face shine upon you and be gracious to you, look upon you kindly and give you peace.
Pray for me.